About a year ago, I needed to make a decision. And it was a pretty major decision. One that would come to affect me in ways I am just now realizing it could. The decision was, of course: Rome or Barcelona? Since I was one of the lucky few that had the option of a choice, I was initially set on going to Rome. But when it all played out and I was left on the "wrong side of the fence" (that is to say that almost every one of my close friends including my roommate picked Barcelona instead of Rome), I found myself doubting my initial choice. I talked to my parents for awhile about it. And, ultimately, I chose Rome. I think I had this romantic vision infused in my brain about the city. Rome was a dream and if my friends couldn't see that then it was their loss.
I couldn't really tell you why I picked Rome over Barcelona other than this urge to chase the fantasy I had about it. I fooled myself into thinking that I was interested in things like the Forum and the temples - things that are in ruins and shadows of their former selves. But I was half-interested in them. My whole heart wasn't in the thing though. The fact that most of my close friends were either staying in DC or going to Barcelona gave me doubts.
And when I visited them all in Barcelona this conflict within me came up yet again. Here I was, together again with my roommate and amongst some of my most beloved friends. It didn't help that they live in a hotel with a rooftop pool and that everything was half the price of Rome. At first it was like the universe was telling me: "You should've come here. Why didn't you come here?" I had one of the best weekends of my life there.
But after the weekend was up, those three glorious days, I had a peculiar feeling. There had been constant comparison between Barcelona and Rome throughout the entire weekend. I didn't have much to brag about. But it got me thinking of Rome. And by the end of the weekend I realized that I missed it. I missed Rome. I missed being in the tiny, jammed cobblestone streets. I missed the closeness and the age of the city. I missed the new friends I've made. I missed almost getting hit by mopeds. I even missed the apartment's lackluster water heaters.
Why did I miss it? I'm not sure yet. But Rome has... something.
In Barcelona, they live with everything (and sometimes even more than) they have in the U.S. McDonald's is everywhere. They even have KFC. Everything is spread out. There's a lot of new construction. It's a younger city that's full of youth. Rome is different. Rome is old. It's clustered. There's no other city (at least that I've encountered) quite like it. It's refined.
I still can't help but ask myself: "Why did you come here?" I am discovering why.
While walking back from studio a little after 1 am, I was walking along the river near Tiber Island. I was listening to "Runaway" by Kanye West, one of my favorite songs nowadays. I looked up as his autotuned voice flowed over low strings to see seagulls gliding gently in a circle around the river, peaceful as the wind they rode. Their white undersides contrasted with the clear black sky as the water tumbled many feet beneath them. As I walked past the old trees along the river, I thought I caught a glimpse of something in the moonlight. But I knew the thing I saw didn't exist so I continued my journey to the apartments, escaping the pleasant cold.
I am lost in the world, but I guess being lost isn't so bad.
Great to have you here as part of the Rome program. I think you made a terrific choice coming here. I know what you mean about trying to figure out what it is about Rome that makes it so appealing that's different about Barcelona. I think part of its allure is its authenticity and that's reflected in the warmth of its people. You have a wonderful semester of discovery ahead of you.
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