This city makes me think of many things. It's brought up a lot of negativity in me. I see my mistakes and faults and force myself to dwell on them. I am by myself here. No matter how many people tell me I'm not, I am.  Maybe not physically or socially but on a greater level. I feel great liberation in this realization and also great sorrow. My mom told me shortly before I left that Rome was too far away and that she wouldn't be able to look after me. It's not that I need her to look out for me - I'm completely capable of looking out for myself.  It's the isolation.  People shouldn't be so far removed from their loved ones.  We all need someone who cares about us around.  Friends are one thing, but there is no way for a friend to give me what my mom or dad does.  And here I am out here in the world surrounded by foreign and strange people who don't care about me.  I am homesick and I am not homesick.

It's funny that I'm here walking through the Pantheon and Saint Peter's Square and all I can think about are things like this.  I should be planning day trips and walking around but I find myself thinking back to times in DC, looking at pictures of home.  Facebook doesn't help.  The initial luster of Rome is gone for me and I continue to be let down and find excitement in the letdowns.

So far it's been the best and worst time of my life.  I'll need to settle down into routine to change my outlook.  I have a tendency for overthinking things.  This is the cause of my greatest inspiration and struggle.  Is that bad?